How to Catch a Cheating Spouse

By David Corrington, Chief Executive Officer-Stonehaven: Private Investigations

hot to catch a cheating spouse

Over the years, many have asked “How to catch a cheating spouse?” I have worked many cheating spouse investigations. The number one question I get is “how did I not know my spouse was cheating”.

Many clients feel embarrassed, betrayed, and hurt.
Clients that deal with a cheating spouse have many obstacles to overcome. Some of these include the following. 

  •  If I get a divorce how can I minimize my financial impact?
  • Are there factors when dealing with a cheating
    spouse that can mitigate costs for spousal support, assets and child custody costs?
  • Should I be concerned with STD’s from a cheating spouse?

If you have concerns that your spouse may be cheating,
the following are indications to be aware of and tips on how to catch a cheating spouse:

What to be aware of

  • Putting passwords on phones and computers. Having passwords for all your electronic devices is commonplace. Placing passcode restrictions so your spouse or significant other cannot access is typically not a normal practice. If you see sudden changes in not being able to view a spouse’s phone or computer than there may be reason to suspect they are hiding something. In some cases, this could be a sign of a cheating spouse.  
  • Schedule Changes. If you see sudden changes in schedules this could be a sign of a cheating spouse. For example, they frequently work late which is not how it used to be. They suddenly start to have more work travel trips that did not happen before. They get defensive when you question why they are not around enough. 
  • Different sources of income. If your spouse tries to hide money or has opened a bank account that only they have access to, this could be a sign of a cheating spouse. You may find they have opened a credit card in only their name, or they suddenly become very possessive of the finances and are not willing to share information. 
  • Change of appearance. If your spouse suddenly changes the cloth they wear and start to really focus on losing weight, this could be a sign of a cheating spouse. Many people desire to lose weight or just look better. The red flags begin when the change is drastic and somewhat secretive. A cheating spouse will suddenly want to look younger and dress more fashionable or trendy.
  • Texting and Social Media Messaging. When your spouse starts to text with someone more frequently and is secretive about who it is, this may be a sign of a cheating spouse. A spouse will start to receive numerous texts day and night and typically leave the room or try and hide who it is on their screen. Social media can also be another way to share messaging with someone else without much of a trace. Sharing pictures and personal information with someone else is another concern. The cheating spouse will typically become very hostile or argumentative when you question them about who they are chatting with. 
  • Change in sexual behaviors. If you find that your partner is becoming very distant in their intimacy with you, there could be a red flag for a cheating spouse. You could see a dramatic decrease in sex, or your partner becomes overly aggressive in their sexual behaviors that are not typical from past sexual history. If intimacy suddenly stops than clearly there is an issue to be concerned with. 
  • New Hobbies or changes in habits. You will typically know the daily routines and activities your spouse enjoys and participates in. If you see a sudden change in their activities or hobbies this could be a sign of a cheating spouse. If your partner plays basketball for an activity but suddenly changes to running (and is frequently gone for running) this could be an indication that something is wrong. 

Do I Need a Private Investigator?

lessons from a cheating spouse
Most clients I meet with just want to know the truth so they can make a rational decision on next steps. Many clients ask if they can just conduct their own investigation instead of hiring a Professional Private Investigator when they suspect a cheating spouse. I provide my clients the following comparisons in helping them make that decision:


Conducting Your Own Investigation

    • Most individuals have limited experience in conducting investigations and could collect evidence that is inaccurate or incomplete.
    • Conducting your own investigation can create a conflict of interest in court. Your credibility is diminished because of your bias towards the cheating spouse.
    • Having a lack of training or situational awareness can create a safety issue for the individual conducting the investigation.
    • Many states prohibit non-licensed private investigators to conduct investigations, including surveillance and placing trackers.

Hiring a Professional Private Investigator

  • Professional Private Investigators have years of experience, training and education that allow them to conduct comprehensive investigations. Investigative results have shown to be extremely beneficial in court or leveraging negotiations. 
  • Hiring a Private Investigator removes you from the liability. A Private Investigator will be an unbiased 3rd party that brings tremendous credibility should your case ever be litigated. 
  • Professional Private Investigators are trained and use state of the art equipment to get the best evidence possible. Many Private Investigators have former law enforcement experience and know how to handle themselves in dangerous situations. 
  • Professional Private Investigators are licensed by the State and have professional liability insurance.

In the beginning of this article, I referenced three obstacles that my clients face when dealing with a potential cheating spouse. First, If I get a divorce, how can I minimize my financial impact? Finances are the number one concern for clients as it effects their everyday life. Many will face losing a dual income budget. Many will have to downsize their home, vehicle, living expenses. Etc. If you add children in the equation it gets even more complicated. Finding out you have a cheating spouse will produce extreme emotions of hurt and pain. Your initial thought may be to just end it as quickly as possible and not be concerned about financial outcomes. My best advise is to take a breath! Remove yourself from the environment for a time to allow you to start thinking rationally. While it may be difficult, do not think about what life will be like a month from now, start thinking about what life will be like a year from now. How will I support myself (and possibly children)? Using a Private Investigator will provide you the best evidence you need to leverage the best settlement possible. 

Second, are there factors when dealing with a cheating spouse that can mitigate costs for spousal support, assets, and child custody costs? The answer to this is yes! Hiring a Professional Private Investigator can potentially save you thousands of dollars when deciding spousal support and child support payments. In several cases, I have captured evidence of infidelity, hidden assets, and child endangerment environments that proved to be extremely valuable in leveraging a better settlement for the client. 

Third, should I be concerned with STD’s from a cheating spouse? The answer is absolutely yes! Unfortunately, I have had clients who contracted serious STD’s from their cheating spouse, not knowing at the time they had been sexually active with other people. I always advise my clients to seek medical help in determining if they have been exposed to any STD’s upon learning their cheating spouse was engaged in sexual activities with others. 

cheating spouse what to do

What to do?

No one gets married to get divorced. Unfortunately, things happen, and spouses make choices that have consequences. If you have a concern that your spouse is cheating, you have several options to pursue:

  • Confront your spouse of the allegation
  • Seek help from a religious leader or close family/friend
  • Hire a professional Private Investigator to substantiate/un-substantiate the allegation

In summary, hiring a Professional Private Investigator to catch a cheating spouse can be your best tool in knowing the truth and mounting your best defense. Private Investigators are completely discreet, confidential, and professional in helping you navigate this extremely difficult time. Contact Stonehaven: Private Investigations to get a free consultation on your case at 801-613-2174 or visit our website at 

Copyright © 2020. All Rights Reserved.